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Positive self talk is not effective when built on toxic foundation.

Why is it happening to me? All my friends seem to have it together, and me, the complete opposite. I feel lonely, desperate for a happy moment. How do I make sense of it all? I’m drowning. The feelings of anxiety and frustration are overwhelming and I can’t think. Where do I go from here?

Searching for a job is one of those experiences in life that we could do without. It’s very stressful and draining on our mind, body and above all on our soul. Many self-help books have been written on this topic, suggesting being positive, creative, focused, surround yourself with good people, etc. These suggestions are great but unfortunately don’t work unless you are conditioned to internalize. Typically in a day or less we go back to our old-self which, in times like these, is driven by past negative experiences in our life.

You see, it’s hard to build an Empire State building on a shaky and poisonous foundation. The base must be repaired prior to start of a new construction. The analogy is that your existing foundation is the content of your current memory archives, where at times of stress, positivity is overpowered with negativity. My concept, serves as means to change that and allow you to reset, where your mind will not resist positive self-talk and behavior.

So, let’s do it. Sit in a comfortable chair, tall while relaxing all muscles in your body. Close your eyes and breathe effortlessly. Now, go back to your earliest memory of yourself, and scanning forward, re-leave as many happy moments as possible. Moments, when you felt good, smiling from ear to ear, confident in yourself, excited with what lies ahead. It could be a time spent with a dear one, your first bike ride, your first sports medal, your first kiss, earning a degree, wedding, birth of your child and more. How does it make you feel? Does it bring happy tears to your eyes? Stay there for a while; soak in all those gems, enjoying very millisecond.

Make these positive memories, your ONLY memories up to the current point in time. Take an eraser and erase all negative memories, which contaminate and paralyze your ability to move forward. Now your memory chip is clean of any negativity – just positive memories remain. If after a while, the negativity creeps back, do this visualization exercise again, fighting for a better future, a better life. Please be kind to yourself and don’t expect huge changes in your mind set over a short period of time. Allow for a gradual progress, stay determined and the results will follow.

Sir Winston Churchill once said: when you walk thru fire – keep on walking. He is one of my role models, and I ask his permission to allow me to modify his phrase a bit, and say: when you walk thru fire – purify your memory – and keep on walking.

As a side note, I’m not a therapist and developed this method using intuition and common sense.

Best wishes, and if you have any comments or questions, please don’t hesitate getting in touch, Elie

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